And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
