What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
