i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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