I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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