Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
