Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
tell me about the fingering
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