CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
