turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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