All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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