I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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