I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I could make wine with my vomit
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
