my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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