I want to have your abortion
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
