so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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