its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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