I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
