It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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