I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
