so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
