i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
