I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
