If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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