You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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