Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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