Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i out mim tonsoeep
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