Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
