I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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