I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
