so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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