Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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