well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
