oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize