I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
