I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
