i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
