I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
