Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
