Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to jail i love you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
