Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
