You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
