yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
