Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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