Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
