so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
