My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
