Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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