I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
