For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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