we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
