Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
