i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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