3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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