i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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