Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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