Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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