This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
