I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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