Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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