Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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