i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
