Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
