Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
