We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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