I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
