i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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