After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
