she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
