Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
