Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
