Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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