Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
