So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
