New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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