We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
