Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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