Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
