After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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