your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
