Having a random hookup so left but love u
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
